Your Spiritual Garden

I used to have a relationship column on BlackRefer.com Unfortunately, after many years, the owner decided he wanted a real life and folded the site. This article is one I wrote about our beloved Bob Marley, his astonishing relationship and how we lost a true genius. Check it out and let me know how you like it! Picture is of MY album. Thank you…

The Ideal Man

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hut him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

Bob Marley (February 6, 1945 – May 11, 1981)

This would be my definition of an ideal man. In fact, Bob Marley would have been my ideal man. Yes, he had lots of girlfriends and children outside his marriage. But he also had an amazing wife who understood her Husband. Rita Marley had two options. Loss this priceless gem of a human by confining him to what society dictated he SHOULD do, or allowing him the freedom to be who he actually was.

It worked out well for all of us. Imagine a restrained and restricted Bob Marley, lost in a world of ganja, with no will to write or perform. Please – do not think I am advocating for open marriage; I am NOT. What I saying is to be HONEST with yourself about WHO you are with; Why you are with them and if YOU have what it takes to go the distance. Bob Marley himself said he would never divorce his wife. He truly loved her. He was not able to control his desires to be with other women. It was not done behind her back. She knew about these women and was the person he called when he needed to be left alone. She cleared his space, giving him peace of mind to be free to unleash his creative genius.

We will never know if this would have continued working, but it worked until his death. Even after his death, this gracious and openhearted woman invited every woman who had a child by her husband to bring them to her. She made sure ALL were taken care of. That is a woman who is confident, generous and honest. Her integrity made her a shero. How many women would have even made this effort? I know of NONE!

So, getting back to the quote. The man I am currently dating is all these things to me. He makes me laugh and he challenges me to think outside the box. He makes me a better version of myself. To be fair, I have worked on myself for the last few years and can feel and see the difference in how I act and react. This is quite an exhilarating time for me and I am enjoying every second I get to spend with this amazing man!

We are all searching for an ideal man or woman. But in order to find that person, you must be crystal clear within yourself about yourself. Who are you? What are your goals, hopes, dreams and fears? These answers can only occur when you are candid with yourself. Is there space in your heart that is open and available? When you can hold that sacred space, love will enter – to stay. It won’t always be easy, but having someone who gets YOU is always, in All Ways worth the effort. ALWAYS!

By all means, continue your search for a love worthy of your time, your heart, your spirit and your soul. Because only by finding and defining “love” for yourself, will it be made available. Only by truly being honest with your “self” will you actually recognize when love finally makes an appearance.

Have a Joyous February! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Bob Marley – ONE LOVE!